Fear of Public Speaking How to Get Over It Now

Fear of Public Speaking, Get rid of It

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I’m sorry I can’t do this Freddie can do
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this I just kind of – no backing what do
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you mean you can’t what’s wrong
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of course you can do this no this is too
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many people I’m just freaking out in
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this is one crazy and what if I forget
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something I just want to keep this
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I just wanna skip this you want to skip
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this fine what about the consequences
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you know what happens to people who
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don’t speak up in front of others you
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know what happens to their careers what
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about tomorrow when you have to speak up
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in a board meeting in front of an
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interview panel what are you going to do
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then how long you keep keeping this you
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want to have a lifetime worth of anxiety
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and pain and escape and regret and
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failure I don’t know I know I know make
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sense but I don’t know I just I just
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can’t it’s there’s so many people who
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can’t speak um people I mean these
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people sitting here a lot of them can’t
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speak up in public so it’s just I have
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to deal with it what do I do
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okay hold on a second hold on a second I
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can prove to you that you can okay watch
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how many of you guys over here can come
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up here and confidently speak up can I
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get a show of hands so just just maybe
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what 10-15 percent right but watch hold
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on how many of you who didn’t raise your
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hands if I were to put a gun to your
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parents heads and told you then you have
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to come up here and speak or I’m going
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to shoot them would you then be afraid
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or would you come up and speak how many
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of you say you would still not come up
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and speak to save your parents life show
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of hands
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zero what about you put a gun to your
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belt said you wouldn’t come up and speak
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no of course I what you say I mean it is
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this life in that situation of course
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I’d be able to speak that’s not a big
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deal then exactly life in that situation
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your career is on the line that’s life
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isn’t it what are you going to do isn’t
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that a big thing for you because when
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you look at the big fear of life and
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death then you start thinking this is
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easy this is nothing but you know what
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your career your entire life is at stake
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that is a big consequence it is like a
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gun to your head and if you start
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focusing on the big pain that you’re
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going to be getting tomorrow if you
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don’t do this today you are going to
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think that this is a thing isn’t it
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it makes sense I suppose I could all
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right so how do i how do i how do i get
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comfortable and be able to do this like
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like you okay so it’s got to start from
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the outset all right has to start from
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the outset what is the first thing that
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comes to your mind when you think about
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speaking in front of a crowd the first
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thing that comes to my mind hmm you want
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me to say it yeah go ahead and say it
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it’s the first thing that comes to your
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head when you look at a group of people
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first thing that comes to my mind is oh
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he made me say it
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there’s a lot of other swear words that
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come also which I definitely can’t see
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right now and then I start saying oh my
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god I need to escape this and I start
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finding ways of escaping it oh no wonder
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you have a fear of public speaking
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okay so we’re going to be making a
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choice right now
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okay you’re either going to accept the
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short term anxiety and you’re going to
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perform and develop and learn all right
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or you’re going to just say you know
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what I can deal with this so let me just
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go back the entire life long of pain to
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choices so because you’ve decided to go
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and kill this short-term anxiety you’re
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going to say you know what I want this I
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want to face the crowd and I want to
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develop I want to learn so because the
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other choice is just too painful so the
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first thing you say to yourself is I
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want this not oh my god how do I skip it
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okay and you know your nervousness
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you’re talking about you want to pump up
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your fists just like sports people do
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all right look at that guy that’s why he
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performs you want to pump up your fist
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and you want to say I want this all the
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time every single time before the day of
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your presentation during the night when
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you can’t sleep in the morning when you
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can’t eat and when you’re on the way and
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when you before you’re facing the
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audience every single time you want to
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say I want this you got it
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you know what you make it sound easy
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it’s not it’s just not easy it’s just
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there’s so many things so many issues
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you know what if I just forget I stand
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there and and look at the audience and I
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forget I didn’t think of that that’s
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interesting yeah I don’t know in that
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case I think they’ve been hang you I’m
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going to hang you obviously how can you
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forget
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you know you’re going to be on the front
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page of Times of India for forgetting
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your speech it’s going to be insane or I
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didn’t think of that
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okay so let’s do one thing because you
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think you might forget make a fool of
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yourself let’s just go with other option
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of a lifetime of mediocrity and failure
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how about that that makes sense right
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when you’re in that lifelong mediocrity
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looking back at your life and regretting
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maybe then you can see you know what I
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chose this life because hey what if I
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forgot my speech the other day and if
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people looked at me weird you want to do
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that because you’re making a choice and
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you know what what do you say about an
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interview tomorrow if you have an
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interview tomorrow or an exam tomorrow
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there are chances that you might not get
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picked up in that interview or you might
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not pass that exam but do you say that
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let me not go for the exam let me know
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go for the interview doesn’t work like
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that and and and come on I don’t know
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what to say if you forget who cares yeah
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I know it that’s not what I meant of
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course you’re not going to be
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publishable time that’s stupid but you
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also don’t want to look like an idiot
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right I mean seriously if I just forget
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everything and doesn’t that it’s not a
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big deal
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okay you know what do one thing you
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write everything down and you just read
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it out okay then what I mean if
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forgetting is a big concern read out
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your entire speech because slowly and
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and steadily you will start gaining
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confidence
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you remember that entire thing but the
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point is not to escape that and go back
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because you remember the other choice
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that’s not really a good choice anyway
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okay okay all right but but English hey
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you know what English is also a problem
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for me I’m not I’m not fluent and I
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fumble a lot so so what do I do about
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that it just makes me awkward English
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what about all the successful Europeans
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are speaking broken English all the time
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people are not judging you on your
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English speaking people are testing you
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on your confidence and do you really
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want to go back because you don’t speak
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English you wanna escape the situation
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and into that entire life or mediocrity
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because your people would laugh at your
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English who’s the prime minister of a
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country what if he said that come on man
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other things smaller than that
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okay okay okay fine um there’s too many
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people there’s just too many people you
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know if you give me four or five people
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six people 100 people in this an IIT
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professor sitting in the audience what
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are you saying I can’t do this this is
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and the eye is looking at me I can’t
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even make eye contact with them there’s
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too many eyes looking at all right hold
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on isn’t that what you want you want
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more people youyou want more people to
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notice you right that’s the whole point
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isn’t it what do you want like entire
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two people audience clapping for you
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what is wrong with you you want more
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eyes and by the way what’s up with his
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eyes you know that’s how people see
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people see with their eyes how do you
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want them to see you with their ankles
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or something doesn’t make sense you want
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them to end you want to say you want to
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first of all get out of that little days
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you’re hiding behind come out in front
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and say you know what look at me I want
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people to look at me and by the way
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don’t say this out loud you’re going to
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be looking like a retard
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in your head you want to say look at me
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I am going to share an idea with you
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which by the way might bore the crap out
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of you today
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I don’t know but still even if it is the
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beauty of entering this short on anxiety
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even if it bores the crap out of you
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today I will still walk away from here
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feeling a little more confident for the
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next presentation I’ll have moved a few
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steps closer towards my desire itself
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and that is what matters to me right
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that’s the choice you’re making isn’t it
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so cares eyes say you want more eyes
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looking at you okay it okay I know I’m
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not trying to make my shoes I know it
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all sounds rational and it’s all logical
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but it’s not me that’s not natural it’s
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it’s just not me I’ve always been this
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way man I mean if I was younger that’d
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be okay but I’m 40 years old like 15 20
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years I’ve been this way 4050 M II come
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on I can’t I can’t you know why it’s not
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it’s not natural me needs someone else’s
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style but icon natural you know what
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else is natural disease so next time you
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get sick don’t let the doctor interfere
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say you know what I don’t want you to
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interfere this natural process let me
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die of whatever disease I have now what
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about rapist
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day tomorrow walk away and say you know
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what yeah I raped a girl up in rape in
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rural for 20 years it just naturally
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feels feels okay to do so God made me
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this way it comes naturally to us so why
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you stopping us now there is ribbon
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piece what’s wrong with you you’re going
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to accept that do you really want to be
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natural and worthless and live in a
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lifelong of pain and mediocrity and look
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at other people push you down and pass
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you by just because you didn’t speak up
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and you wanted to be natural natural and
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worthless or do you want to be unnatural
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and confident learn true succeed and be
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in control you can making that choice
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again so you decide okay all right or
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you know what definitely you’re right I
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can’t go back to the other choice I need
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to do this and and it doesn’t make sense
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to make the other choice I have to do
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this obviously okay you make perfect
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sense but but I and I’m pumped up
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believe me I’m pumped up with your talk
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I really want to do this but then
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suddenly I get this this pounding
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heartbeat and I just all that dog just
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goes and I just feel that this is
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nervousness I just won’t be able to
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perform what do I do about this
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nervousness seriously I’m not making an
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excuse okay you know what there’s a lot
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of things that you’re going to be doing
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in your life look at this okay
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all of this is going to make you nervous
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but it’s fun too okay so you’re going to
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have to just channelize your nervousness
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Sachin Tendulkar 200 tests match both he
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not nervous
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of course he was 100 century every
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single century he scored he was nervous
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every time he wanted to get off the mark
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he was nervous and we’re talking about
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such in then Holger 200 tests match 20
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years of career and he was still nervous
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I am NOT saying that you’re not going to
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be nervous you are going to be nervous
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you are going to be feeling a little
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scared okay the biggest orator in the
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world Anthony Robbins he jumps up and
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down five hundred times before an
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audience because he’s nervous so you are
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going to be a little scared your
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heartbeat is going to be a little crazy
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but that’s that’s how you use it you
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want that energy okay so you want to
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breathe just like that you want to come
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out and you want to move around you want
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to use your gestures you want to speak
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loud you don’t want to just be stiff and
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stand like
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is you’re going to get even more you
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want to use that energy inside of you
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you want to start thinking in your head
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and you want to start looking at people
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and smiling at people that’s how the
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eyes become comfortable to look at so
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you want to use that energy and every
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single time you get more nervous every
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single time you get more nervous you’re
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going to have to look at that picture of
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pumping up your fists and saying you
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know what I’m ready for this challenge
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because there is no other choice frankly
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is there so nervousness is going to
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happen and slowly and slowly you’re
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going to build it up into confidence now
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blocks taking what do you say okay so
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fine if I forget I’m not going to be
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published on The Times of India
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come on that’s stupid or what is there
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to be afraid of people yeah I want more
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people English I don’t care about
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Manglish I care about moving out of that
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situation that I’m designing for myself
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I don’t want to be in that situation
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okay I can do this this is scary okay
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Hey what
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watch me ladies and gentlemen that was
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the dialogue I used to conquer my phobia
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of public speaking and I’d like to
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assure you I know a lot of your shot I
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am NOT mentally retarded I don’t have
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any multiple personality disorder okay
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this is this is a dialogue that I wanted
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to demonstrate it’s based on a very
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powerful technique called neuro
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linguistic programming and so it’s a way
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of of talking back to yourself in the
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proper body language one of the things
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that we do is we try to escape this
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short term and then we think that
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everything is fine we’re going to stay
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in a comfort zone
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and we’ll be fine that is the biggest
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bullshit lie ever because if we start to
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realize the gun to our head we’re going
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to notice that’s a big problem
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so you respond back with that powerful
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dialogue that I just demonstrated when
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when I was in high school my parents
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believed a lot in my academic potential
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they knew that I was not getting through
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any of the top colleges okay so they
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worked really hard saved up a lot of
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money and sent me to Toronto and by the
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way those of you who are and a lot of
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people today’s time the thinking of
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Canadian immigration do not be fooled by
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Google okay I googled Toronto one on
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Google Images I thought I was going to
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see this and guess what I’d end up
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seeing that that’s what end up seeing
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one actually went there the 1% of you
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who don’t have relatives in Canada
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because frankly that’s how you know if
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you’re real Indian how many of you have
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relatives in Canada show fans okay at
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least in North India pretty much every
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single person every time they here throw
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into a candidacy oh you have a relative
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there so for the 1% of you who don’t let
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me tell you a little bout the weather
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for eight months of the year it’s like
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living in your freezer okay and and I
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used to I remember because I was on a
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limited budget I used to save every
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single dollar so I used to be walking a
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few kilometers carrying
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big heavy bags of groceries 15 to 20
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kilos and walking just to save 2 or 3
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dollars on the bus fare right and I
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realized that you know my last name
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I am a banya but I assure you it’s not
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because it runs in my blood to save
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money the actual fascinating thing is I
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needed to save that money ok wait for
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this to pay off people in my class so
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that they could present instead of me
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because I was just too afraid of coming
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up and speaking so actually paid off
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people the way I started this talk was
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exactly the way I was a few years ago
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the only difference the only change that
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I made is that I started responding back
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to myself and I started asking myself
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what choice are you willing to make that
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entire life long of pain because you’re
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hiding today is not going to work out
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for you so you got to decide and of
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course it was it was tough but compared
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to the other situation it was easy so
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many people with amazing potential a lot
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of you raised your hands a lot of you
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use your hands when I asked if you’re
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not going to be confident coming up here
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I have a lot of friends this you know as
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faculty for sitting here we know the
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number of people who would do
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brilliantly but don’t because they get
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stuck at a group discussion at an
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interview they credits get taken away
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from them the ideas get stolen from them
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they don’t get respect in their social
15:58
gatherings because they don’t speak up
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and imagine what would happen if they
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started having this dialogue with
16:05
themselves because no one else
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regardless how much another person tells
16:09
you you’re not going to get this in your
16:10
head you have to have this dialogue with
16:12
yourself you have to be true to yourself
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and imagine what would happen if you
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started having this dialogue with
16:17
yourself and putting yourself up to the
16:19
challenge I mean your growth would just
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explode
16:22
wouldn’t it Nadia this is so one of
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those one of the exceptional people you
16:35
have a chat with over half an hour I
16:36
don’t care how unemotional you are you
16:39
will break down and cry after that
16:41
conversation listening to a life stories
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and inspirational
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at 90 years old I thought is going to be
16:47
the end
16:48
old age catching up with her medical
16:52
ailments I thought it was going to the
16:53
end she went to I see use a lot came
16:57
back regained her health 91 I see was
17:00
it’s increased in fact you know to the
17:03
point that if there was ever such a
17:04
thing called a frequent flyer program
17:05
for I see was it
17:06
she’d own half the hospital she was that
17:09
regular every third week she’s in the
17:10
ICU and I was thinking you know in 92
17:12
years old 93 94 finally had it that’s
17:16
likely what’s happening what’s your
17:18
motivation how do you keep regaining her
17:20
health and she smiled and she says you
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know and she told me and this is one of
17:25
the things that that she had a talk with
17:27
herself the bird and she said you know I
17:29
even I I tell myself I’m not able to
17:31
write anymore I when I when I try to
17:33
move it’s I feel the pain of breaking
17:35
the bone and I can barely talk so I
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sometimes awesome I smashed myself
17:41
what’s the point why don’t I just give
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up and then she said immediately like
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right away she gets another sound
17:49
insider saying you’ve always been a
17:51
fighter so how can you give up now
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and she gathers just enough courage to
18:11
write one more poem so so I thought to
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myself you know the kind of life of his
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choosing paying people off and moving
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away I am filling my life up with
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anxiety and pain and regret I mean I
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don’t want to be at my daddy’s and look
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back in my life and and say I’m a nobody
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I kept running away and because you know
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the consequences of your choices and
18:34
beliefs is exactly what fills your life
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up with either the pain or the pride or
18:40
the freedom that my daddy experienced
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and so for me you know this is an easy
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decision right I want to ask all of you
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who are actually facing that problem or
18:52
but are afraid to speak up in front of a
18:54
crowd are you are you really willing to
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go in that entire situation every single
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day
19:00
escaping hiding oh my god what if I
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forget something what if this person
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thinks this but me I don’t escape this
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anything but this or do you want to just
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move out of there okay gone up in front
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of the crowd pump your fists and say you
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know what anything but that you want to
19:16
laugh at me go ahead because frankly I
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don’t really care about this audience I
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care about what I’m going to be ten
19:26
years from now what I’m going to think
19:27
about myself ten years from now so you
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know what bring it on I want this
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because there is a gun to your head and
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those are the only two choices that you
19:42
have thank you